So I havent written here in forever...alot of shit as happened since my last entry, some good some bad..some rebuilding itself, and all in all im growing with it..
September was a month of shocking news...it was just one thing right after another, so overwhelming..to start off, ive decided to finally make the transition to penn state upark next semester, i didnt think i was ready but after alot of thinking and writing lists and weighing the pros and cons..it just came clear to me that the longer i wait the more im missing out, so i better just take this opportunity. Im excited, there are alot of things to look forward to up there..im finally gonna be where i wanted to go since high school, it was a tough journey but im finally going there...and i cant wait..im scared, nervous, anxious, and of course i have no idea what to expect but who does? im gonna miss it here in abington, i used this place to rebuild my life that was torn apart in hartford...it was hard in its own way but also fun and worthwhile...yet now its time to move on and start over for the 3rd time in the place that i shouldve been all along, but maybe if i got accepted to upark my senior year i wouldnt've have gone through all that i went through in hartford and who knows? maybe i wouldve been a different person? a more naive one at that? i dunno..i cant really say.
Other than upark news..its sad to say that certain people (well one person) suddenly refuses to associate with me..just cut me out, without any explanation...didnt reply to any of my messages..at first i was confused, that confusion turned into sadness..then to anger, now ive come to realize that if this person has it in them to just cut someone like that out of their lives, especially when we've been through so much together for so many years, then maybe they were never a real friend to begin with...I have no idea what i did, i was nothing but nice to this person...I even asked other ppl who have seen us together they all say the same thing so its not like im blind here either...but seriously, im done running after them...if they ever want to talk they now how to reach me and i will gladly listen but it is clear that right now they want nothing to do with me for whatever reason...i thought i atleast deserved an explanation instead of just going away without warning...but now, i dont even want it anymore...and again, i never thought this person had it in them to just do this..but people do surprise you..maybe this happened for a reason but im not gonna dwell on it anymore..if they have it in them to do this to me then they arent my type to associate with anyway...its so sad to admit this but i have to becaus i just have to put it out there in order to finally accept it and move on with my life...
TO THIS PERSON: I dont know what I did to make you hate me so much to the point where you just all of a sudden stopped talking to me without any explanation or without returning any of my messages...after a couple tries to contact you i get it..i wont bother with you anymore...i just dont wanna hear it that i never valued our friendship because if YOU DID like u claim u did u would atleast have the decency to say it to my face that we are no longer best friends, so if thats the case...then ill accept it...if u ever wanna contact me in the long run im always available to talk, i dont hold grudges..they are a waste of time and energy..if you do thats your business...but if you don't i'll live...honestly at this point its all up to you now because ive tried everything i could...and im not running after you anymore..i dont run after people who just ditch me without warning or justification...so yea, im letting go..have a nice life.
...that felt good, i feel refreshed kind of.
Stuff with dan has been rocky all month...specific instances that i refuse to mention here has kind of brought us back to square 1...im in the process of trying to rebuild my trust for him again, and no he did not cheat on me...this is strictly involving me and him..he knows what he did and everyday so far hes been working with me to show that hes really sorry and trying to mend this relationship back together..so yea it is getting better..we are talking more, sincerely that is..as in we are having more real conversations...when before it was all about getting fucked up, but i like it better this way...and its getting better.
ALSO:: i am quitting american eagle, i got a job offer in my major field working with troubled kids for 13-16 dollars an hour..training starts in two weeks and im SO FUCKING EXCITED!! with this training im getting a certificate that says im a therapist staff specialist which means even after i transfer to upark i can get a job with any agency if i have this certificate and ill get paid alot..plus doing what i love..and getting an early start on experience..thats what grad schools love!!
so ladies and gentlemen..despite the shitty aspects of life..i feel like im heading in a good direction..as well as a healthy one..my life is slowly changing once again and im riding with it..i can feel myself even growing and changing..im excited what this new job is gonna teach me..and im excited for upark...i shouldnt let the weight of negativity bear me down so much because it puts a stop to everything thats positive making me blind to it, so maybe i should look past the dark side for once...